In Understanding…

I know you are reading this. And I hope you can find it in yourself to attempt to understand that I did not come to this decision lightly. It is probably the most difficult one I’ve ever had to face. You might not have been hearing my heart slowly breaking. It’s silent, seamless almost. But it has been. Not because of anything you’ve done. I guess not anything I’ve done either. Every minute ticks into the unknowning of my own feelings. I am a lost person. And sometimes I feel as I will always be this. I set out to find myself, the few years back that I came to this place. And in all this time, I’m not getting any closer and that scares the hell out of me.

All that I have to give right now, is sadness, and I could never ask anyone to take that. I’ve always told you, you can’t tie your boat to a sinking ship, and that is exactly what I am.

I know there is nothing I can say to you, no string of words I can hand out to make this strike any less powerful. I still fear that I can not be what you are looking for. It’s not fair for you, that I don’t know if I can ever change. I think that I owe it to you enough to try. But I have to do this on my own. I need to dust off the unused corners of my mind and really figure out who I am.

Please forgive me. I don’t know where this road will take us later on, but I know where I need to be right now. I want to know the person I can become. And I need to sail that ship alone.


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