I replaced you with shot glasses and wine stained lips, with smoke filled lungs and drunken promises. My head full of yesterdays, my rib cage growing, or my heart shrinking. I have not the capacity to know which.
Your presence is replaced with longing and ache. An ache like embers of a fire. Dull lighting, and shifty eyes. How did I get here, chasing un-catchable shadows with a butterfly net?
There’s an emptiness in me, growing with every breath. Restless and thirsty. And my heart will never be still.
Do you remember… Do you remember the night I told you I loved you? I stood in front of you, naked and bare-boned. Throwing myself into the darkness. My hands shook and my insides rattled. The moon the shape of the slivers my mother use to pull from my finger tips.
My heartbeat, a line begging to be pulled and the distance between us could fill oceans. And I felt myself fall into it. I lay ruins at your feet, falling onto my own sword with the insanity of these sprinting thoughts.
If only you knew from the beginning, I bring my own matches and light myself on fire, as time is the oxygen feeding the flames. And I’ll write you into my world, letters onto my skin. And my words will make you immortal. Because all of this time I spent, keeping you out of my words, trying to make myself believe you weren’t worth the ink, you grew larger than life. And once you leave, I’ll only have memories, because those fade everyday.
I spent the better half of my 20s chasing ghosts. But who knew loneliness could come in the form of people.
Don’t cling to anything that burns your hands to hold.
It doesn’t matter where I am in life, how old I am, or how many years have passed. I will always look back and count the footprints from each and every person that has touched my life, at one point or another. And I will forever be grateful to live in a world that opens a door, after one closes.