Faceless

I know this boy. A carelessly funny boy, thoughtful in his own ways. Walks with grace and charm. A boy who casually changes my logic into emotion. I didn’t need him, and I wasn’t looking for him, but there he was.

I know this boy, but I don’t know much about you, nor would I care to. I don’t know the kind of person you are, or the thoughts you think. I’ll never know the color of your eyes or how tall you stand. You’re faceless. Something that feels so significant to me. I don’t know who he was before you, or even during you. I could judge you based on the insensitive conquests you’ve made, or think I know all about you, just from word of mouth. But in all reality, I don’t give you  much thought at all, or I try not to at least.

I’ll never know where you met or how, who said ‘I love you’ first and who actually meant it first. And I’ll never know the time you stopped, if you ever did. And that will plague me. Did you? Did you ever stop loving him?

Sometimes I wonder if the things I love about him, are the things you hated. I wonder how different he is with me, than he was with you. People become strangers, and I wonder just how much of a stranger he is to you. I wonder what parts of him you built and what parts he built. A perfect blend, I’m sure.

I’m in your world now. In everything you gave up. I’m grateful for your lose, and for that I’m sorry to say, because I do feel sorry for you. Because I gained what you lost. I’ll be there on his birthdays, while you’re too busy with the other life you chose. I’ll be there for Christmas and Thanksgiving, giving thanks to what I have, because believe it or not, it is enough. I’ll be the one to kiss him on New Years and watch fireworks on the 4th of July.

I know I will never replace you. That I’ll never fill the ache you’ve left him with. And for that I despise you.

I hope karma treats you to a nice dinner. And I hope you get back all that you put in, all the pain you handed out as a one way ticket. Trying to fill the emptiness inside of you at someone elses expense. And all in all, I hope he finds everything you’ve been looking for, in spite of you. And when you walked away, I hope you were hand-in-hand with guilt. Because someone who can cause so much pain, so much sadness, to another, continuously, like a song on repeat doesn’t deserve the stars, the stars of such a person… But that’s okay, I’ll enjoy them for you…

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